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Housewife and Mother Resume

Author: Matthew Gates
Website: http://www.matthewgates.co/
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The Most Underrated Profession: Housewife and Mother

Lois Griffin Housewife

A mother's job is not an easy one and we often take our mothers and our wives for granted in all that they do. We might think they are not doing as much as they say they do, but imagine if they took a day off or even a week off, how much work would go undone, from laundry; to the dishes in the sink, to making breakfast, lunch, and dinner; to waking everyone up so early in the morning, and if she is not just a housewife or stay-at-home mother, she actually has to go to work and fulfill her responsibilities there.

Throughout the day, she is constantly on alert, hoping in the back of her mind that the school does not call her and that her children are safe, and that her husband is at his job and is safe. She then drives home and hopefully does not hit too much traffic, in order to either pick up the kids from school on time or make sure she is home by the time they get home from school so she can start preparing dinner; help the children with their homework; and keep them somewhat entertained, while she also cleans up after everyone, finishes up her own chores, and maybe she might have time to herself tonight for just a few minutes after she puts her children to sleep, but maybe she will just have to forego that time to herself tonight because she is always willing to make those kinds of sacrifices. Does this sound familiar? It is the job of a housewife and a mother. Whether they work or not, they seem to be just as busy. Unfortunately, except for her day job with a company, the other doesn't pay, and some days more than others, she probably feels like quitting.

What might all this work look like on an actual resume?

Career Objective:

To get these kids out of the house by the time they are 18 so I can finally have peace and quiet again, even if it will occasionally make me sad. My children should be raised with good manners, family values, and respect for others and a strong sense of self. I would also like to achieve this with minimal gray hairs, wrinkles, and with my sanity intact.

Education: 

Self-taught, grandmother's advice, mother's advice of "someday you're going to have kids and they are going to be just like you", friend's who already have kids advice, winging it, and possible prior experience.

Qualifications:

  • Carrying an unborn child for 9 months
  • Giving birth to child
  • Raising baby from infant into adulthood

Experience:

Housekeeper

  • Washer of dirty laundry
  • Dishwasher
  • Professional cleaner of play-doh, vomit stains, poop, dog urine, cat urine, wine, and other hard-to-clean ingredients
  • Sweeper
  • Mopper
  • Organizer
  • Instructs children on how to do what Mommy does and be responsible human beings

Negotiator

  • Expert in getting children to eat vegetables and other important essential food products
  • Conflict resolution between children
  • Decider of all things final

Education Director

  • Teacher of colors, objects, animals, math, reading, sign language, problem solving, geography, and manners
  • Teach children how to behave in an appropriate manner while trying not to pass on all of my own bad habits and shortcomings
  • Professor of arts & crafts, macaroni pictures, paper plate art, drawing inside and outside of the lines
  • Fashion enthusiast of Barbie, GI-Joe and other dolls or action figures
  • Assist in progression of crawling, walking, talking, potty training, and riding a bike
  • Responsible for discussions on God, religion, love, sex, marriage, daddy, mommy, and many other various topics pertaining to life
  • Ensure school-aged child safely arrives at public education sector for about 180 days out of the year

Child Care Manager

  • Nursed for years with no regard to sore breasts, bleeding nipples, and bouts of mastitis
  • Changed thousands of soiled diapers and cleaned poop out of clothing, hair, and other places on multiple occasions, sometimes within the same day and within a few hours, sometimes even as little as a few minutes between each episode
  • Endured sleepless nights, comforting crying baby, cranky toddler, sick kid, and scared child
  • Over-protector and dirty-look wielder towards other threatening-looking children
  • Boo-boo kisser
  • Wiper of runny noses, booger-filled noses, spit-ups, vomit-covered mouths and clothes, dirty hands, poopy bottoms, and tears
  • Personal chef to the most finicky eaters
  • Washed, bathed, shampooed, and brushed the teeth of squirming children daily
  • Able to dress moving ansy targets
  • Ability to feed children in public with minimal mess
  • Hairdresser and stylist, specializing in pig tails and Elsa braids
  • Responsible for transport by either horsey ride, piggy back ride, carrying, stroller, or car seat
  • Superior chauffeur with mini-van handling skills, including canine awareness and DVD operations
  • Having "M" in Mom mistaken for "M" in Maid daily

Teenager Management

  • Full understanding of know-it-all-rebellious-teenagers with attitudes
  • Ability to ease tensions and calm ready-to-pay-bills-and-work-for-a-living teenager
  • Specialized in coping with stressful and sometimes hostile mom-you-are-ruining-my-life teenager moments

Head of Entertainment

  • Peek-a-boo professional
  • Lead singer of popular children's songs, especially Frozen
  • Tea party guest and Play-Doh taste tester
  • Fully knowledgeable in playing House
  • Master story teller and book reader
  • Knock Knock joker
  • Sleep-over scheduler and organizer
  • Highly skilled at Eye-Spy-With-My-Little-Eye
  • Mastery as tickle monster
  • Talented actress, portraying all Disney princesses
  • Comedienne and humorist

Psychologist and Doctor

  • Diffused many temper tantrums, cop-outs, fits, and meltdowns
  • Diagnose sickness and prescribe proper medication and ailments
  • Communication with child through bouts of sadness, depression, and upsetting moments including the discovery of the reality of Santa Claus and mean children
  • Skilled in dealing with time-outs and other forms of fair punishment

Chef

  • Able to cook just about anything that child will eat, even if broccoli must be masked
  • Ability to cook for multiple picky eaters
  • Skilled in speed-cooking and ability to prepare any meal in less than 30 minutes
  • Specialties include spaghetti-o's, mac 'n' cheese, jell-o, and soft cookies
  • Catering of meals including PB&J, fresh fruit, and veggies

Health Instructor

  • Ensure proper nutritious diet is followed
  • Encourage outdoor activities requiring involvement of often-uninvited younger siblings
  • Express the importance of expressing individuality and proper social behavior with others

Memory Collector

  • Amateur photojournalist chronicling life of my children from birth to present day
  • Collector of art projects & drawings
  • Archiver of cute, funny, and beautiful moments that I will hold securely in my heart and head
  • Record keeper of all graded assignments and projects
  • Memorized hundreds of children's books
  • Specialty in hanging the best and most important things on the fridge

Wife

  • Ensure needs of husband are met
  • Cook for husband and often do his laundry
  • Moral support for husband
  • Financial adviser for joint-bills

Special Skills

  • Carrying diaper bag, pocket book, juice boxes, and stuffed animal while balancing child on hip
  • Giver and receiver of unconditional love
  • Demonstration of utmost patience and kindness when patience wears thin
  • Expert at hugs, kisses, and cuddles
  • Bi-lingual in English and baby chatter
  • Mind reader during incomprehensive tantrums and fits
  • Able to keep house clean for 10 minutes a day
  • Full mastery in car seat handling
  • Expert operator of a single, double, or triple stroller
  • Never giving up
  • Always having hope
  • Giving up my own dreams so I can help my child pursue theirs
  • Knowing that no matter what I do, I do it in the best interests of my children

Awards

  • Mother of the Year, every year, since being qualified
  • "Diaper Changing Wrestling Champ" for at least 2 to 3 years in a row
  • "Clothes Changing Wrestling Champ" for 10 years in a row
  • Supporting and Sweet Wife

REFERENCE AVAILABLE IN CRAYON UPON REQUEST

This is really just a short list of what most mothers do and most of it comes from remembering what my own mother did from my childhood to adulthood.  I completely made up this resume, but I am sure it covers many of the things you mothers do. There is no resume, no cover letter, no job listing, that could even compare to what a mother does.

In previous articles I wrote, Mother: The Ultimate Job and Mother Is Special, along with The World's Toughest Job, because I will always love my mother and appreciate what she does. No one really understands what the job of a mother really entails until they have lived through it. While men can certainly understand what being a father is, and they will certainly go through motherly duties, including the times in which the mother of their children is not available for whatever reason, they will understand it a lot more, but it is not quite easy to know every single thing that a mother does for her children and her family.

Unfortunately, whether a mother wants the job or not, almost every mother who falls into motherhood accepts it, and realizes that she is no longer living for herself, but that her children are now a very important part of her world. Her children depend on her when they are young, but the hopeful payoff is that they will love and cherish her when they are older, just as she did when they were young. How much would she actually get paid to do all this work if it were a paid job? She obviously does it for free, but the payout would be nothing any of us could ever afford.

To all the Moms out there, Mother's Day is for you because you deserve it. How you do what you do, I do not even know. You do the work of 20 men in a child's lifetime and you do it without complaint. You make sure that we get a chance at life, and sometimes, a better life than you had. We love you so much and without you, we would not be who we are today or where we are today. Because of you, life is better, and because of you, life is worth living. You have taught us so much and despite all of our tantrums and fits at you, you still love us unconditionally.

To my own mother, I know we are several states apart, and I know living my own life has kept me a distance from you, but I miss you everyday and I wish I could spend more time with you. If there is anything I want you to know, it is that I love you and I thank you for raising me into the man I am today. Without your unconditional love, without your teaching me, without your taking care of me, and making sure I did this and that, I have no idea where I would be without you. You are an amazing woman! I love you so much Mom! Thank you for being my mother!



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Tags: articlecaringchildconfessionexperiencejoblovelovingmommothermothers-dayresumetoughest-jobunconditionalwork

3 Comments

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  • A mother's job is not an easy one and we often take our mother's and our wives for granted in all that they do.
  • Throughout the day, she is constantly on alert, hoping in the back of her mind that the school does not call her and that her children are safe, and that her husband is at his job and is safe.
  • There is no resume, no cover letter, no job listing, that could even compare to what a mother does.
  • Unfortunately, whether a mother wants the job or not, almost every mother who falls into motherhood, accepts it, and realizes that she is no longer living for herself, but that her children are now a very important part of her world.
  • To all the Moms out there, Mother's Day is for you because you deserve it.